Dear Young Mother

A message with love, truth, and zero apology.

Raising another human being has to be one of the hardest jobs on this planet. As it is the one job that does not come with do overs if you make a mistake. It is compounded when you’re doing it without the help of the other parent.

It is very important to manage and control who has access to your children. Be mindful of who you allow into your home, car, life, and most of all your children’s world. As not every warm body deserves that privilege.

In this day and age, a basic background check is a necessity. It’s your job to protect your children, which is an important part of parenting.

The one way to avoid getting trapped in an abusive relationship is knowing that the first is the only sign you need. No need to try to figure out if they were just having a bad day.

 It is okay to accept an apology. Forgiveness is for your peace. But you need to send them walking through the exit door. No re-entry, No exceptions, and No negotiation. Noting that abuse is a raised hand, demeaning words, and isolation.

Stop allowing men to move into your home while you fund his fake dream with no foundation, drive your car dropping you off at work while they spend hours doing nothing that builds toward anything real.

A man who cannot feed himself has no business sitting at your table looking into your face while your children are watching. As this sets a bad example.

There is nothing wrong with a man who has a dream. But a dream without work is just sleep. A rapper who doesn’t rap, a businessman with no business, a provider who provides nothing. These are patterns and patterns don’t lie.

Oftentimes, independent women divide the responsibility of one man among themselves without even knowing it. One buying clothes. One buying shoes. One putting money in his pocket. Each one hearing a version of the same story, each one hoping she’s the one who will finally change him. Well honey news flash, your assignment is not to change him or them. Your assignment is to make sure that your child does not become him or them.

Faith was never meant to make you a resource for someone else’s comfort at the expense of your peace and your children’s stability. Generosity is a virtue. Being taken advantage of is not a calling. “A man who will not work, shall not eat. 2 Thessalonians 3:10” Stand on It!

So many children cannot be taught what their parents have not yet learned. So many cycles continue not out of malice, but out of unhealed wounds that were never named, never treated, never released. Break the chains and know that Therapy is not just for rich, white, or crazy people. Your trauma does not have to be your child’s inheritance. Train up a child, they need you safe and they need you whole and you are the one who will lay their foundation.

Written with love, truth, and the spirit of women who’ve been there.